


Janine's Finest

by LindleyJo



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: M/M, Other, Slight spoilers for mid-Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindleyJo/pseuds/LindleyJo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The citizens of Abel have had enough of Pepe's Finest British Tequila, so Jack, Sam, and Runner Five take it upon themselves to sneak some of Janine's wine stash for Christmas dinner.</p><p>For Zombies, Run! Secret Santa 2014</p>
            </blockquote>





	Janine's Finest

**Author's Note:**

> Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! This is dedicated to OldGrumpyWizard, whom I can’t seem to tag for some reason…
> 
> Unbeta’d. Did you really expect me to change because it’s the Holidays?
> 
> Also, I tried for gender-neutral Five again. Let me know if I slipped up anywhere.

"Sam, shut up!" Jack hissed at the radio operator devoid of his usual headset and microphone. Five held in an exasperated sigh and glanced around the corner. 

"Sorry, sorry. I just..." he paused and ran a hand through dark, messy hair. "I talk when I get nervous, you know that." Sam shook his head and glanced at the runner beside him. "It's like when you all are-"

"Sam!" Five snapped quietly, slapping his shoulder. "This was your idea, I don't know why you're nervous now!" The harsh whisper seemed to echo through the hallway of Janine's surprisingly large farmhouse.

"Well, Simon said..." he whispered back. The runner chose to ignore him and dart quickly around the corner. The coast was clear, no one in sight. They breathed a quiet sigh of relief and signaled for the other two to follow.

Jack made his way across, only slightly clumsily. Sam nearly tripped and smashed his nose into a wall. Runner Five was hardly surprised. There was a reason that these two stayed inside the gates. "'Simon said'!" Jack mocked. His favorite sport was teasing Sam whenever the opportunity presented itself. Which was rather frequently. "This isn't a game, Sammy. If Janine catches us-"

"I know what'll happen if Janine catches us!" Sam retorted, slightly red from Jack's taunt. "And my voice is not that high!"

Before the two started an even louder argument, Runner Five butted in. "Would you two shut up?" they snapped. A large, wooden door was at the end of the hallway, and the runner made their way to it quietly, bringing their voice back to a whisper. "Unless you want to be stuck with drinking only Pepe's at Christmas dinner, you'd better keep your mouths shut and keep a good lookout." The runner glanced at the two men, immediately cutting Jack off before he got the chance to speak. "Both of you. Honestly, I don't trust either of you with quietly carrying glass bottles anywhere, let alone on a secret mission out of the house."

The two looked away in embarrassment, much to Runner Five's satisfaction. With a smug grin, the runner quietly pulled the cellar door open and tiptoed in. The room was dark, smelling slightly of mold and dust. Pre-apocalypse, Janine would have surely cleaned the room with relative frequency. However, her priorities were clearly elsewhere these days.

The runner held back a loud cough and flicked on their torch. The door had kicked up some dust, distorting the light with what could have been mistaken as falling snow. Five could see a fine layer of dust coating the rest of the room, as if it hadn't actually been entered in years. Which was probably true. Janine tended to keep most of the things she needed on the first floor now, so that they would be easier to get to in case of an emergency. Smart, but it did leave the rest of the house in disuse. 

Five shook the thoughts from their head and pointed the light around the room before heading down the stairs. The first held their weight with a loud squeak, and they heard a gasp from behind the closed door. "Be quieter, Five. I bet Janine could have heard that in New Canton!" Jack whispered. The runner scoffed and took the steps one at a time, as lightly as possible. 

When they finally reached the bottom, they were in a small foyer of sorts with three doors in front of them. Five opened the first with a quiet screech, silently wishing for a bottle of WD40 to make these types of things just slightly easier. 

The room was filled with boxes and books and what looked like Christmas decorations? Essentially, it was a normal storage room. The dust was much heavier down here, and Five couldn't hold back the hacking cough that came to their throat. When they had finished, Jack or Sam had said something from the top of the stairs, but it was largely inaudible.

Regardless, Five had a mission to complete, and they would do so as quickly as possible. The runner gently swung the door shut and turned to the next. This one was slightly less squeaky than the other, and Five immediately felt a slight chill when it opened.  
The wine cellar. Perfect. The walls were lined with shelves upon shelves of all types of wine. If Five didn't know better, they would think they were back in a pre-apocalyptic liquor store. Five immediately set to work picking out several duplicate bottles (they weren't that mean, to drink something that Janine only had one left of) and packing them gently in their runner's pack. 

With a satisfied sigh, Five pulled on the backpack, and was about to make their way up the stairs when the door at the top opened and closed quickly, and they saw a mop of red hair bounding toward them. "Hide! Quick!" he breathed, pulling the runner behind the third door. Five noted after they had safely gotten in, that the door was completely silent. No WD40 necessary.

And there was no dust. None at all.

They could hear Janine's muffled voice scolding Sam from the top of the stairs, followed by the familiar creek of the door. Footsteps marched down the old stairs, and Five could imagine Janine glancing around the small space with Sam right behind her.

"Really, Janine! It's just me, I swear!" they heard. "I just... well, I didn't exactly want to have Pepe's for Christmas dinner, you know. And we can't really bring any cider over from New Canton, so I just... well, I thought..."

Janine let out an exasperated sigh, something that happened quite a bit when she was around Sam. "Mr. Yao... I..." she paused. Runner Five could almost see her rubbing the bridge of her nose to ward off a headache. Whether it was from Sam or from the dust, the runner couldn't tell. "I completely understand. I know I don't usually do this, but since it is a special occasion and, frankly, we could all use some holiday cheer right now, I suppose we could choose a bottle or two to go with dinner."

There was another pause, Runner Five and Jack held their breath. Sam had just taken the fall brilliantly, it would be a waste if they were caught now.

"W-what? Really?" Sam stammered. "That's... that's so nice of you! I mean, not that you aren't normally nice. You are. Well, maybe kind is a better word? It's just that you can be a little... well... ah... territorial? I guess? So I'm just-"

"Mr. Yao! Would you kindly come choose a bottle before I change my mind?" she cut in curtly. The retort was followed by a squeak from the second door before it slammed shut.

Five heard Jack let out his bated breath beside them. "Thank god!" he whispered in relief. "I thought we were done for!" The two of them leaned their heads against the door and glanced into the dark room. At some point one of them had turned the torch off, leaving them blind. "We should probably stay here until they leave, though. Just in case."

The runner glanced at Jack, forgetting that he wouldn't be able to see their raised eyebrow. "That's the smartest thing you've said all day."

"You know, I think I like you better when you're running. You don't talk back then," he teased, elbowing the runner lightly in their side. Five responded with a chuckle, before closing their eyes. The two sat in silence for a few more minutes. It was the quietest Five had ever head him. "So... what was in that other room anyway? Obviously one was the wine cellar, yeah?"

Five nodded. "Yeah, the other was just normal storage. Papers, books, and all that. Didn't look like anything important," they explained, rolling the unlit torch in their hands. Logic told the runner that this was probably just another storage room. It was a big, old house, and Janine probably had tons of family heirlooms or something... right? 

But this room felt different. It was noticeably cleaner than the other two, they could tell that just from the lack of dust in the air, and the door hadn't had that ear-piercing screech when it opened. 

"Then... what's in this room?" Jack voiced the question that was running through Five's mind. "You don't think it's...?"

"I don't think it's what?"  
They sat in silence again for a moment before Runner Five flicked on the torch and swung it slowly around the room. After seeing the contents, the two of them had to choke back loud, astonished gasps.

Of all of the people in the world, Janine was the last person they would have expected this from. Simon, maybe. Sara, definitely. But Janine? Janine de Luca, their straight-laced Janine? Never in a million years would they have thought that she would have this.

A sex dungeon.

The centerpiece of the room was an obscenely erotic sex swing mounted from the ceiling. On the walls were pristine shelves lined with ropes and knives and nearly every toy you could imagine. It looked like something straight out of a big budget porno.

'Oh god, did Janine film porn?' Five shot the thought down as fast as it had come. There was no way, there was simply no way.

But while Five was sitting in the same position, astonished, Jack had risen to examine each and every object lining the walls. "Is this...? Ah no way! I've always wanted to try one of those!" Five could hear him mumble. "Ah, well that one is kind of boring... but I bet 'Gene would love this!" he whispered, picking up something that Five wasn't sure they wanted to see. "Ooh! Five! Have you seen one of these before? I bet it would be so fun! Do you have someone to try it out with? I'm sure Sam would volunteer if you needed someone."

Now he was just poking fun at the runner's obvious discomfort. It wasn't that Five was inexperienced per say, it was just all sort of a shock. The runner had created an image of Janine's private life that involved mostly reading and possibly a lot of cats. This was the complete opposite of that, and the runner was simply trying to reconcile it.

"I... uh..." they were (thankfully) cut off by the sound of the wine cellar door creaking open, followed by banter from Janine and Sam. Jack and Five held their breath again, praying that Janine wouldn't feel the need to look into this room... especially now that Five was feeling rather embarrassed.

The two of them waited again, holding their breath until they heard the footsteps fade away and the creak and slam of the cellar door. Jack nearly keeled over from laughter as he shined the torch at the runner's face. "Oh calm down, Five," he chided, coming over and holding out his hand. "There's nothing embarrassing about a little old sex dungeon."

Jack gently pulled the runner up before pressing his ear to the door. "It sounds clear, think we're safe for the moment?"

Five wasn't sure, but the feeling in their lower abdomen told them it was time to leave. For the first time in their life, Five couldn't tell if they were nauseous or horny. Honestly, it was probably both. "Yeah, let's get out of here," they whispered, opening the door and glancing out. It looked clear, so they stepped out and darted up the stairs without a look back.

Jack followed them slowly, Five could almost hear him chuckling behind them. The two quietly made their way out of the cellar and to the front of the house, where Sam was waiting impatiently.

"God I thought we were done for! Are you guys okay?" he asked, seeming to be genuinely concerned. "Were you hiding in one of the other rooms?"

Five answered with a nod. "Yeah... one of the other rooms."

Jack burst out laughing at that, taking two of the four bottles that Sam had piled in his arms. "Let's get these to the kitchens. Maybe they can chill them a bit before dinner," he said, heading toward a long, squat building at the edge of the township. "Great idea, Sam, by the way! We should really steal wine from Janine more often. Maybe once a week, minimum." He rambled, a few steps ahead of the others. 

"Ah... okay, I'm not sure about so often but..." Sam started, but was cut off when Jack continued speaking.

"I do think I'll need 'Gene's help next time, though... to pair the wines for dinner and all that. It may take a while too, so you two can be lookouts."

Sam looked at Five, confused. Five picked up the pace until they were in front of the two men, trying their best to hide a bright red face.


End file.
